Closer
by LittleBlackStarz
Summary: Sara Sidle said goodbye. But she feels her letter wasn't good enough. Now she's back to face Grissom and set things right. But what he has to say to her will surprise her... ***Completed!***
1. Chapter 1

There was something about his eyes when he looked at her. The way the clear blue of them just pierced through her, breaking through her defenses and leaving her utterly fallen. Fallen in a way she had never realized she wanted to be.

Gil, you know I love you. Her own words from her letter to him before she left gave her a headache. God, she missed him. And to think, just a short while ago he had proposed. Nothing would ever be as wonderful as that day had been.

Sara pushed the thought aside, concentrating instead on the road before her. Maybe a quick trip into Vegas was a reckless idea, but it was an idea nonetheless. And for Sara, ideas were really what had brought her there in the first place.

She had never gotten used to the desert climate. San Francisco was a much milder place, with its calm, foggy mornings and balmy, rainy days. Las Vegas was none of those things. It was hot, dry, and unforgiving as the day is long. But it had been her home for so long, and even though she was glad in some respects to have left, she realized now she had gone without tying up a very important loose end.

It had been almost a month since she had left, and in her brief emails with Greg and Nick she had learned quickly of Warrick's unfortunate situation. She'd also heard that Gil Grissom just wasn't acting like himself.

Sara bit her bottom lip in despair. She couldn't believe herself. Rash decisions were exactly what caused her to be depressed all the time. She thought too much with her emotions and little with her head. And now she'd gone and broken the one man who'd ever made her whole.

A tear slipped down her cheek so she wiped it away angrily with her sleeve. She was so goddamn tired of feeling; all she wanted was to settle things and make them right, and then be on her way again. She couldn't stay, and wouldn't, no matter how hard it might be. She knew it was going to kill her to leave him again, but there was no way either of them were going to be able to move on unless she spoke to him face to face and gave him an explanation he deserved.

The letter had been brief and inconsiderate. He was worth so much more than that. She knew that he wouldn't be angry with her; after all, he was always the understanding type. Unlike herself, she thought bitterly. Always flying off the handle; she was a loose cannon, destined to destroy herself in the end. Gil had to hear it straight and truthful. Or he'd never let go.

When the road turned to Vegas, Sara felt her heart begin to pound in her chest. There was no reason to be nervous, she thought anxiously. Okay, maybe there was. She just hoped that he would be home when she dropped by, because she didn't think she could face the lab, or all the people she'd up and left behind.

His townhome was nestled in a quiet community. It was just like him to want a place here, where there was little violence, little distraction. Work was so much a part of his life, so home needed to be the complete opposite so that he could have some sort of peace.

She parked her car on the street and turned off the engine. Her heart thudded in her ears, but her eyes were dry. She just hoped she didn't break when she saw him.

When she opened her door and stepped outside, she looked up towards his door and saw with surprise as it opened. He stepped out, leash in his hand, his large dog eagerly racing through the door. When the dog spotted Sara, it bounded towards her, knowing her scent and face. She couldn't help but smile as the dog nearly pounced on her, spreading kisses on her chin and hands.

Laughing, she looked up and saw Gil standing at the base of his porch, his mouth hung open in surprise. She felt the all too familiar butterflies at seeing him. God, was she still such a lovesick girl around him?

"Hi." He nearly whispered it, the leash falling from his hand as he stepped towards her. She stood up, suddenly very unsure of herself. Was this the right choice?

"Hi." She replied as he stood in front of her, his eyes slightly weary but still so beautifully blue.

They stood there for a moment, slightly awkward. Biting her lip she reached out and wrapped her arms tight around his back until he was flush against her. He simply held her back, so tight it almost hurt her. With relief she choked back a sob.

"Sara..." He stroked a hand down her back, soothing her. When she only responded with more sobs he pulled her away from him. Smiling at her, he wiped her tears away. "I knew that I would see you again one day, I just didn't know it'd be so soon."

She laughed at him and at her own foolish crying. "I'm sorry, if I'd known that the second I saw you I'd turn into a bawling child I'd have stayed home with my pride...but as I've already blown it let's start fresh."

She took a deep breath and cleared her throat, straightening her back and laughing at the look he gave her. Those eyes...something about those eyes.

"Gil, I feel I owe you a huge apology..."

"What for?" The actual surprise in his eyes confused her. Did he not feel any anger or resentment towards her at all?

"For leaving you so suddenly, with nothing but a note." She shook her head tiredly. "But I guess you are not feeling all that bad."

"Sara, I am not the bundle of emotions you are. I am the analytical scientist, who regards emotions as things to be studied and, on rare occasions, practiced. But I don't let them get the better of me. I was sad you had left, but I completely understand why you did."

Something about the way he said it had a lump forming in her throat and her stomach tying in knots. "And why do you think I left?"

"Because you didn't want to marry me."

He must have noticed the sudden hurt shock in her eyes because he gave her that curious look he got whenever something puzzled him. She felt sick to her stomach.

"This was a mistake." She whispered, feeling faint. Why had she come, just to torture herself while having to hear him say these things to her. To tell her she was nothing but an experiment to him, something to be studied and then placed aside. Had he ever had emotions for her?

"Are you saying I'm wrong? Because please, enlighten me if I am." Gil said, leaning down to silence his dog who had suddenly started barking. Apparently the dog could feel the tense emotions sizzling between them.

"But...I love you, Gil...I told you as much." Sara's eyes felt weary and her chest heavy. This was supposed to be for the best, but now she'd begun to think it was for the worst.

"Yes, you did. But I can't understand why you didn't think I could help you."

Sara turned now, unable to face him. "Just forget I ever came." she muttered, a sudden anger writhing within her. Didn't he understand she'd left him with the intention of saving him? There was no way she could ever want him to suffer while she raged within herself and self destructed. What would it do but cause him more pain than he was already feeling?

She climbed into her car and slammed her door shut. She watched his eyes as she turned her key in the ignition and sped off.

She was wrong. He didn't understand.

Thanks for reading!! More to come...


	2. Chapter 2

At her hotel that night Sara simply sat and gazed out at the lights of Vegas. She felt numb inside, her encounter with Grissom causing her more trauma than she had expected.

Not want to marry him, Sara thought painfully. How could he ever believe that? She knew then that it would probably be best if she just disappeared from his life forever, leaving him to his conclusions about why she had left.

Sighing, she fell down upon the queen size bed layered with down comforters and soft sheets and let herself drown in exhaustion, both mental and physical. It didn't matter to her anymore what happened in her life, at least she knew that Gil wasn't in pain over her. He had already come up with an excuse not to think of her anymore, and that was all she needed to know.

The sudden knocking at her door startled her. Sara stood up quickly and walked to the door, peering through the peep-hole. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw the face of her visitor. Opening the door, she forced a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Gil." She said softly, taking in the appearance of the man in front of her. He looked disheveled, as though he'd been running. He was breathing heavily and his eyes looked more tired than she had ever seen them.

"I need you, Sara." He said suddenly, reaching out to hold her hands. He stared at her, his eyes full of more emotion than Sara could have ever believed possible from him, and she felt all her defenses and retorts fade away.

"You know I can't stay here." Her hands felt weak and helpless, his strong and warm as they grasped her own.

"I know, but maybe we can compromise...Sara, I would go anywhere with you." He stared down at their joined hands and smiled. "I wanted to believe you didn't want to marry me so that it would make it easier not to think of you anymore, but it was a lie."

The weariness in her eyes brought out the concern in his. "I'm not very good at this...emotion business...I ran up all those stairs to fight the anxiety I had."

"Why are you doing this, why now?" Sara asked, pulling her hands out of his. "I will only hurt you."

She turned from him then, walking back into her room. As she sat tiredly down upon her bed, she saw him close the door and come over to sit beside her.

"Tell me, Sara." He requested, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close to him. "Tell me why you insist on running away from me."

So Sara told him everything, of her fears of self destruction and her hopes to save him from her own tumultuous future. She admitted to just how much she had grieved when she had left him, and how hard it had been.

"I know it was the right choice, no matter how hard it was...I can't chase these ghosts any longer."

It was then that she couldn't hold back her tears any longer, and fell once again into his arms.

When she had emptied herself of her tears, she found that they were now laying side by side on the bed, his arms wrapped faithfully around her body. She smiled at him then.

"So what will we do?"

Gil smiled back at her, pushing a strand of wavy brown hair from her eyes. "We will compromise. I will come with you to San Francisco for a year, if you promise to return with me to Vegas after then."

Sara bit back a grin. "You had this planned out all along, didn't you?"

"Maybe." He leaned in to kiss her forehead gently, then pulled back and his lips curved deviously. "The wedding will be in Lake Tahoe. Small, quiet...and the honeymoon will be spent on a boat on the lake."

"You really have thought of everything!" Sara laughed, sitting up to stare down at him. "And what if I told you I hate Lake Tahoe and am deathly afraid of drowning?"

"I'd call you a liar and quote you when you once told me you loved the lake and craved sex on a boat."

"You're too smart for your own good sometimes." Sighing, she cupped her hand under his chin and leaned in for a kiss.

He responded by pulling her towards him, devouring her mouth with his own. Yes, she thought wildly. This was what she wanted. Nothing else mattered now, because she had Gil.

When she pulled away from the kiss, she stared into his eyes. God, how the blue of them continually surprised her! So honest, so direct...it was incredible how much integrity could live in a man. Her man...

"How did you know what hotel I'd be in?" She asked then, amusement in her eyes.

"I figured you would choose this hotel, because it was the hotel where we had spent our first night together in Vegas...then I flashed my badge and requested to know what room you were staying in. All perfectly good detective work on my part."

"Yes, it was...now, my darling, tell me more about the future..." Sara leaned in and kissed his nose lightly. "I really love to hear you say it."

And that's all for now...this fic is a kind of tester fic for a really long and involved one I'm considering writing...I just really had to write a happier ending to GSR urgently, so that's exactly what this is. I hope you all enjoyed it, short and sweet as it is! Thanks for reading and reviewing! :)


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